Endurance

"Oh, the gift that God could give us to see ourselves as others see us." From my last few blog posts I can only assume the worst of what others may think of me. I am not usually a whiner. In fact, I try to be positive and upbeat most of the time but lately life just has been harsh and remaining positive has been nearly impossible. After dwelling on my circumstances (for far too long) I have decided to refuse to allow them to control me anymore. Oh, my problems aren't gone. In fact, they have unbearably gotten worse. I am now in a position where I truly have no idea what will come of me but at the same time, I have decided to not let it affect my outer persona any longer.

I am determined to help myself and by doing so the first thing I must do is start searching for employment. I had hoped this could have waited until my father was healthy again but unfortunately, life doesn't always go according to plan. I hate the idea of not always being there for him. I keep his spirits lifted and when I am gone for just one day, it shows in his demeanor. This is the part that bothers me the most because I know that he really needs me. I am not one to walk away from responsibilities but when looking at the cards I have been dealt, returning to work it the obvious next step even if it does mean not being there to help take care of him. I'm so sorry daddy.

One way or another things will work out, life always seems to find a way. It's just a matter of time and heartache along the way. I am stepping into unknown territory and even though the "who, what, when, and where" are not determined yet I have faith that I will be just fine. Although, it is hard to prepare for a journey especially when you are unsure of your destination.